A glimps of a Mothers Love for a Child

This is a little late but I am officially an Aunt! My beautiful little nephew, Grant Kyle Hicken, was born 12:23, March 20, 2009, 7 lbs 8oz. 20.5" long. The day was long as everyone with any relation to Allison and Kyle, anxiously awaited for news of Grants arrival and safety. It felt like days.

I was astounded as to how I reacted when he arrived. With Grant's condition of HLHS, I had absolutely no idea what to expect. I was definitely excited that I would be an Aunt, but having a nephew with only half a heart left me confused on how I would be when he arrived. Its not like I expected Grant to pass away quickly but I had fears that that may be what happened. So maybe I tried to not expect to be attached or I expected it to be like when any neighbor or someone i knew had a baby. I'd see him/her, think he was just so cute, hold him, and go on with daily life not thinking about it. This turned out differently. I thought about Grant, Kyle, and Alli all day long, each hour hoping for a call with news of his arrival. I tried to keep busy so I did not get too frustrated from not being updated with any information from my parents. I was thrilled to get the text that he had made his entrance at 12:23am.

The next morning, I had Grant on my mind wondering the latest new on how he was doing. All I got was "they are good and Alli is tired". This was of course good news but throughout the day I began to get a little emotional. I finally had a nephew of which I could not drive to go see nor did I know any information concerning Grant and his condition. I was finally able to talk to my mom on the phone. I don't know why but I got teary eyed when talking to her. Grant was doing great! nothing bad for my mother to report but for some reason I cried. partly out of frustration of not knowing information and partly from relief of talking to my mother.

The next morning (Saturday) I anxiously awaiting going to Salt Lake to see Grant. That morning, while getting ready, I was informed to look at grant's blog. Grant had crashed (flatlined) friday night. I broke into tears reading this. I felt heartache for Kyle and Alli as they stood back watching 12ish people gather around Grant trying to help him. I felt heartache for Grant. I can't even imagine the pain he may be in. That's when It clicked to me. I got a gimps of that instant love a mother has for their child. The love I felt for Grant being a part of the family, my nephew. Its an instant connection, whether I had seen him yet or not. He was my Nephew and I was so proud of him. It was even more frustrated when the time I could be with family got later and later into the day.

I was able to see Grant not too long after I had arrived. He was so beautiful! You would think there was nothing wrong if he hadn't had all the tubes going through and around him. I held back tears as I watched him try and stretch or move tugging at the darn tubes that he was stuck to. It was so cute to see Kyle with him. Kyle was so gentle, fearing any touch would cause him pain.

Later that night the family gathered around Grant to give him his name and a blessing. It was definitely a difficult night for everyone, but a memorable one.

As of now, Grant seems to be doing well and keeping strong. We all hope to minimize tubes as much as we can soon. For any one interested in updates and pictures of Grant, his blog is grantmeaheart.blogspot.com. That blog gives more and better details than I will ever understand of grants condition.

I love Grant very much and I can only Imagine his parents love and worry for this handsome little boy. They are absolutely amazing and we pray for them! Grant's heart may not be fully there but it is a heart of Gold!

Spring Break!

For FHE before spring break we borrowed a projector and rockband and set it up in our apt and played. I'm pretty sure that is one of the most fun FHE's we've had yet.. plus my roommates and I were lucky to make good use of the projector watching movies before we returned it the next day.

Spring Break started off well. Friday night Brittany came to Logan to visit and hang out with me! we talked most of the night then watched Dan in Real Life. Saturday we made breakfast did a little shopping, ate at cafe rio then drove to her Grandparents in Preston Idaho, visited and stayed the night. Once Brittany left I was left alone with the apt to myself for a couple of days. I was looking forward to this because every once in a while I enjoy getting time to myself to do whatever, listen to whatever, and take my time. On Monday a lot was accomplished. Since it snowed All Day Long I slept in, cleaned and organized the apartment, took time getting ready, and applied for a couple of jobs online. I also got to chat with someone I hadn't talked to in what seemed like forever. Tuesday wasn't as productive but I did a little grocery shopping, made scones and fruit salad, and did a little more jobs applications. As each day got less busy, by wednesday night, I was thrilled to go to South Jordan. The first night I stayed at Roberts house. It was so much for to see them and the kids again! I hung out at their house until friday evening when brittany picked me up and we went to Keith's(Brittany's boyfriend) basketball game. I slept at her house and cory picked me up bright and early to go meet my family at IHOP for Breakfast. I got to see Mom and Dad again which was of course good.

After breakfast we went to visit Grandma Sharp. This went so much better than I had expected. Grandma who has alzheimer's disease, was receptive to us being there. She smiled more than I've seen her smile in the last year. When we pointed her to Grandpa she almost acted like she really knew who it was. She put her arms out to give him a hug. In a conversation between us all she also mentioned something like grandpa and her always being together. and would say they needed to get going. It was so cute and made me happy to hear since she usually would just sit really still like she was drugged and look at us all like we were strangers. This time it was like she knew somewhat who we were. I also thought it was cool when I showed Grandma a picture of my yellow and pink bear she gave me. I asked her if she remembered that bear and she said yes and reacted in a way I could tell she did remember it. Makes that little bear even more special to me. We all think she looked so much better possibly because she was on less medications. my mom also mentioned that someone with alzheimer's disease may get better near the end. (since she is in her last 6 months) either way I was so happy to be able to see Grandma especially to see her the way she was!

After Grandma's visit. Cory and I headed to his place. We did a little shopping on the way. At his house Teresa came over, we hung out, ate dinner and watched Fast and furious,tokyo drift.
cory and I met up with Mom and dad to go to church in our old home ward parkway 8th. I love going back to visit and seeing everyone from my little kid days.

Well now i'm back in Logan and school. I really enjoyed the break but its good to be back with home with my roommates!

Its been a fairly busy last two weeks. I was finally able to make it to a USU hockey game and realize how much I've been missing out on. Even though the game was quite pathetic and we beat U of U 20 to 1! I had so much fun. It brought back all the memories of when Kyle played for Bingham. I loved going to his games. I also happened to see kyle and Alli at the game so that made it all the better.

This last week was full of studying for my nutrition test. On Wednesday night our ward was having a ski night and a trip to walk through the draper temple. In addition to that i had and SI(supplementary instruction) for my nutrition class. of all the choices i went to walk through the draper Temple. It was beautiful! There were big, beautiful houses basically 10 ft away from the temple and the view from up there was so pretty. we finally made it back to Logan around 12:30 that night. Friday was a day of relief once i finished my test and was done with school. Our ward did an All night Indexing(genealogy work) extravaganza. I surprisingly made it through the entire night awake. feeling wide awake at 8 in the morning I was able to sleep for 3 hours that day. and with my family arriving that Saturday night I finally got to sleep again by 1 in the morning.



Today, Sunday March 1, was my singles ward had a Family day where families were invited to attend church with us. I was able to convince my siblings to come, making sure they knew food would be provided. The timing worked out well because we also did a fast for Kyle, Alli, and baby Grant. We wish them the best and our love and support for these next few months and years. We had a linger longer after church and I made a delicious dinner for dinner. Roast beef sandwiches, jello, chips, and carrots. It was so good to have all of us kids together. Its fun to catch up on everyone's lives. Thanks guys for coming! We missed you Mom and Dad! but will see you soon! Now I am off to bed to try and catch up on some sleep from this weekend. good thing i don't have my first class tomorrow!